[open post] NEW USER: Shang Qinghua

[greatmasterairplane]

Look, this clearly isn't Proud Immortal Demon Way. Shang Qinghua might not remember all the details of what he wrote—that's what his most devoted fans are for, to point out inconsistencies in the comments section so Shang Qinghua can bullshit some mystical explanation, hahaha—but he's sure he didn't write this Western-style mansion. The System, when he tries to question it, is silent. So maybe it's some kind of test?

If so, not fair! Arranging the invasion of the Immortal Alliance Conference was supposed to be his last thing. The original Shang Qinghua died shortly after that, so how much plot relevance could he have?? He was meant to be retired, living life in the lap of luxury (or drudgery in the employ of his king, but whatever). Why doesn't the System just reward him for all his many years of loyal service? Can they have a "being hand-fed melon seeds by a group of big scantily-clad men" event, please???

He skims through the welcome table materials. Okay, so a world between dimensions, people pulled in from disparate worlds and trapped for eternity, sure. Classic stuff. His king is bound to show up at some point and drag Shang Qinghua away by his collar like a tiger scruffing a kitten. Until then, he'll just try to stay out of trouble.

Comments

[aflashbastard]

"Well, there were three babies involved in the whole ordeal," Crowley begins, the baijiu and Shang Qinghua's interest inspiring a switch to story-telling mode. "The Satanic nuns and I were running kind of a... baby shell game with the three of them. We wanted the Antichrist to end up with the American attaché -- but something got mixed up. It took us eleven years to realize the child we were raising¹ wasn't the Antichrist. And then you know where we ended up finding him, after a mad scramble? Living under our noses in Lower Tadfield, right where he was born."

¹We were raising sounds so domestic, Crowley.

[greatmasterairplane]

Okay, so Crowley is definitely from a comedy. Some kind of, what, Christian Apocalypse farce? Like most comedies, though, it's probably a lot funnier to read than it would be to actually live it.¹ He sips the baijiu thoughtfully. "What happened to the third baby?"

¹Says the man who lives in The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System.

[aflashbastard]

"Er," Crowley says, awkwardly. "Not sure." Perhaps the lost baby tally is actually two.

[greatmasterairplane]

Shang Qinghua shakes his head sympathetically. There's really nothing to say to make losing a baby better. He finishes the rest of the baijiu. "What did you do with the Antichrist, once you found him?"

[aflashbastard]

Crowley opens his mouth then closes it again. What did they do? Well, they briefly considered shooting him to stop the end of the world. That sounds significantly worse than losing a couple of babies. "We stopped the world from ending," he says, simply.

[greatmasterairplane]

This would probably hit harder if Shang Qinghua didn't already know Crowley was fictional. Luo Binghe's saved the world, like, a dozen times, usually with his dick. But he does give Crowley an appreciative look. "Well, that's good. Hard to fuck around and drink baijiu with no world."

[aflashbastard]

"Exactly," Crowley says, raising the last of his current glass of baijiu in a small cheers. "You get me."