[open post] NEW USER: Shang Qinghua

[greatmasterairplane]

Look, this clearly isn't Proud Immortal Demon Way. Shang Qinghua might not remember all the details of what he wrote—that's what his most devoted fans are for, to point out inconsistencies in the comments section so Shang Qinghua can bullshit some mystical explanation, hahaha—but he's sure he didn't write this Western-style mansion. The System, when he tries to question it, is silent. So maybe it's some kind of test?

If so, not fair! Arranging the invasion of the Immortal Alliance Conference was supposed to be his last thing. The original Shang Qinghua died shortly after that, so how much plot relevance could he have?? He was meant to be retired, living life in the lap of luxury (or drudgery in the employ of his king, but whatever). Why doesn't the System just reward him for all his many years of loyal service? Can they have a "being hand-fed melon seeds by a group of big scantily-clad men" event, please???

He skims through the welcome table materials. Okay, so a world between dimensions, people pulled in from disparate worlds and trapped for eternity, sure. Classic stuff. His king is bound to show up at some point and drag Shang Qinghua away by his collar like a tiger scruffing a kitten. Until then, he'll just try to stay out of trouble.

Comments

[greatmasterairplane]

Shang Qinghua suppresses a smile. He missed this! There's nothing like a dedicated hater to really show the impact of your writing. Sure, Cucumber-bro is nice to everyone, but who else is he such a rancid little bitch to? That's the result of real emotional investment! "Then tell him all this, bro. Just say you're never going to get tired of him and you'll be the first person to show him true, lasting love and he'll rip your clothes off, trust me. Also, he likes it rough, so don't hold back. And tell him he's doing a good job."

[peaklordshen]

"I don't know why I even bothered to bring it up," mutters Shen Yuan. "I've basically told him all that shit already. We, uh, got truth-cursed together, on our first date."

He does file these last two pieces of advice away, though, for later, without looking at them too closely.

[greatmasterairplane]

Shang Qinghua rolls his eyes. "Of course you did, you've never been able to shut up about how much you love Binghe. But Binghe's, like, extremely paranoid and suspicious, so maybe say it more than once?" He crosses his arms. "Did you just say you like him, or did you say you're going to keep liking him no matter what? Because I guarantee he's still waiting for the other shoe to drop, unless you speedran like ten years of therapy on your first date. I want to hear the details of that, by the way. The only person I've had to share gossip with is Qi Qingqi, and she hates me."

[peaklordshen]

"She should hate you, you fucking rat," mutters Shen Yuan, but there's very little fire in it, "and I can't believe you would give me advice on making Luo Binghe feel loved when you're, like, his shitty absentee father at least twice over." He does want to talk about his date, though. "He cooked for me. It was incredible, obviously, he made this glazed duck, and noodles, and dumplings, and—" he wrinkles his nose, amused and fond. "Janet told him about Mountain Dew, and he apologized to me for not being able to get it. Like it was actual dew from a real mountain!"

[greatmasterairplane]

Of course Shang Qinghua knows how to make Luo Binghe feel loved—he deliberately withheld it from him for character development! What kind of tortured brooding morally gray hero feels loved! Saying this would be courting death, though, or at least a nasty fan-whack, so he just grins. "Didn't you get mad at me before for saying he was your darling baby and the apple of your eye?¹ Look at you now, bro. This is adorable."

Actually, speaking of that conversation, when they were on a certain quest... "Hey, what are you going to do about, you know, the backup body? I guess you don't need it anymore, if he's not going to kill you?"

¹SVSSS, Vol 1, p. 289.

[peaklordshen]

Oh, shit, the backup body. He'd completely forgotten. "Oh, yeah, I doubt it," says Shen Yuan. "I mean, you're here now anyway, so it's not like you could tend to it, right?"

[greatmasterairplane]

"I guess not." Shang Qinghua hadn't really thought about the trapped forever part of being here. And he still doesn't really believe it. "But... I know Bingge is here. But do you really think being stuck in another dimension is going to save us from the Binghe you betrayed? If I know my son—and how the plot of PIDW works—this is just a hurdle to make the arc more interesting. He's probably still going to show up one day and drag us out of here to commence with the revenge. Well, you. Hopefully he'll be allied with my king by then, so I'll be fine."

[peaklordshen]

Shen Yuan flaps a hand. "If he does show up here it won't be for years, and my boyfriend won't let him hurt me. He already fought a different Binghe in another timeline, anyway. I don't think we're like... in PIDW anymore at all. Everyone else here is from different canons." He pauses. "I kind of wish we could grow people backup bodies here, though. Does the name Aornis¹ mean anything to you?"

¹Ping!

[greatmasterairplane]

Whoa. It's not surprising that Cucumber-bro is gay—Shang Qinghua didn't know it for sure, but it would actually be weirder if his Binghe fixation was a heterosexual one—but that casual my boyfriend is still startling. Damn... he did it. This son of a bitch is really dating his comfort character.

"Not a thing. But I'm pretty sure I have some more of the mushrooms, we only planted a few." He digs in his sleeve for a qiankun pouch, and then digs around in that for the Sun and Moon Dew Mushrooms.

[peaklordshen]

"Oh, shit, really?" Shen Yuan watches him dig around in his stuff. "I don't know for sure we'll need them or anything, but Aornis¹--she showed up recently. I haven't met her,² but according to Sagramore she's kind of like. A person who acts kind of like The System? He said she was concerned about characters changing their stories, which is bad news, obviously, for us and for everyone else around here who's, like, gone missing from Shakespeare plays in order to get gay married."

¹ Ping!
² Well.

[greatmasterairplane]

"Seriously? We escape from the System but wind up saddled with a fiction cop?" Shang Qinghua's fingers brush something spongy. There we go! He pulls out three perfect mushrooms, infused with the pure spiritual energy of the moonlight falling into a crystalline cave, blah blah etc. "Wait, what Shakespeare plays?"

[peaklordshen]

"Hamlet," says Shen Yuan, holding out his hands for the mushrooms. "Claudius--that's the villain, you know, the guy who kills Hamlet's dad? He's here. And Laertes, who's... also in there, apparently, but not in the Lion King because I guess he was too gay for Disney. He's Sagramore's husband now, they're having a big wedding dance soon."

[greatmasterairplane]

Shang Qinghua hands them over. "Wow. My Luo Binghe is rubbing elbows with Claudius from Hamlet?" Doesn't that kind of make Shang Qinghua equivalent to Shakespeare? He can just imagine how Cucumber-bro would react if he said that—and it's really funny, so he says it. "Doesn't that mean I'm on the same level as Shakespeare?"

[peaklordshen]

"Absolutely fucking not," snaps Shen Yuan. "There's guys here from all sorts of stuff--obviously there's no quality control, because we're in here. Susan's from Narnia. Janet's from--something stupid that sounds like a combination ripoff of Narnia and Harry Potter. Honestly, it might be fucking fanfiction, for all I know. So no, you're not remotely on the same level as Shakespeare. Also, they're doing more than rubbing elbows, they made out and Binghe made Claudius drink his blood." He says this last bit, triumphantly, just as his awareness picks up on the Binghe in question, quickly approaching. He flares his eyes at Airplane and hisses, "Do not tell him I mentioned that, it's a whole thing.

[forgethertoo]

At this moment, Aornis looks up from retouching her nails with a slight tilt of her head.