[open post] NEW USER: Shang Qinghua

[greatmasterairplane]

Look, this clearly isn't Proud Immortal Demon Way. Shang Qinghua might not remember all the details of what he wrote—that's what his most devoted fans are for, to point out inconsistencies in the comments section so Shang Qinghua can bullshit some mystical explanation, hahaha—but he's sure he didn't write this Western-style mansion. The System, when he tries to question it, is silent. So maybe it's some kind of test?

If so, not fair! Arranging the invasion of the Immortal Alliance Conference was supposed to be his last thing. The original Shang Qinghua died shortly after that, so how much plot relevance could he have?? He was meant to be retired, living life in the lap of luxury (or drudgery in the employ of his king, but whatever). Why doesn't the System just reward him for all his many years of loyal service? Can they have a "being hand-fed melon seeds by a group of big scantily-clad men" event, please???

He skims through the welcome table materials. Okay, so a world between dimensions, people pulled in from disparate worlds and trapped for eternity, sure. Classic stuff. His king is bound to show up at some point and drag Shang Qinghua away by his collar like a tiger scruffing a kitten. Until then, he'll just try to stay out of trouble.

Comments

[greatmasterairplane]

"I heard about the Fight Club. Cucumber-bro was mostly focused on how sexy it was, though," he says with a fond eye-roll. "Did he tell you how long he's been obsessed with Binghe? He used to write these insane screeds about how Luo Binghe was the only good thing about the book, and calling for terrible things to happen to everyone who hurt him. He wanted the original Shen Qingqiu castrated."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"That is so fucking lame," Janet says, again with something that could arguably be called fondness of her own if you were really feeling generous. "I guess this is a huge upgrade for him, then. I mean, they're actually, literally dating. It's disgusting."

[greatmasterairplane]

"I can't believe it, I thought for sure he was doomed. Hey, do you know how they got together? There's never any good gossip back in my world now that Cucumber-bro left."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Oh, it was really embarrassing," Janet informs him, managing to strike a tone that's simultaneously dry and cheerful. "I don't know every single detail, but Shen Yuan smoked a ton of weed, except he thought it was some fantasy drug that would turn him gay."

[greatmasterairplane]

"What??" Crowley mentioned the weed, but this is a new detail. "Go on, please."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"I honestly don't really get what he was thinking." Janet rolls her eyes again, even more expressively. "Like, I know he was on some kind of journey of self-discovery or whatever. But we had a pretty bad fight about it, because he was talking about being gay like it was a communicable disease, which... hopefully I don't have to tell you why that's fucked up."

[greatmasterairplane]

"You don't," Shang Qinghua says. "I'm gay—but, like, in a normal way. Not like whatever the fuck is going on there."

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Thank God. I love normal gay men." Janet laughs. "Which is good, because I don't think there's literally a single straight guy here. Some bisexuals, but no straight men. It's weird, but I'm not complaining."

[greatmasterairplane]

"Do you think that's part of the selection process? Like—Luo Binghe would never have figured out he was gay, if he'd stayed in my world. I didn't even know he was gay. And Shen Yuan was even more deluded there, too. Is this, like, some treatment center for fictional characters who need to find themselves?" Not Shang Qinghua, obviously. He's not fictional, and he has no issues to address whatsoever.

[sorrowandsorrow]

"Shit, I don't know. I mean, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were already gay married before they got here, and they still are. Unless you mean finding themselves more generally? No clue. The villain from Hamlet is here and he's super fucking pathetic now, but maybe that counts as finding yourself." Janet shrugs. "Besides, I'm not fictional. I'm just trapped here."

[greatmasterairplane]

"I guess it's nerfing my villain too," Shang Qinghua says, a little moodily. "I mean, Binghe's not a villain. He's the protagonist. But he's supposed to be, like, a dark protagonist. Morally gray and dangerous. You know, like in one of those James Bond movies where he might torture and kill somebody, but it's okay, because it's James Bond." Is this making sense? He tries to remember what question he's answering. "Have you had any personal revelations?"

[sorrowandsorrow]

"That explains why he's so weird," Janet says, even though it only kind of explains it. "I've had the personal revelation that men aren't to be trusted. But I already knew that one."

[greatmasterairplane]

"Why stop at men?"

[sorrowandsorrow]

Janet thinks about this, but only for a second. "Yeah, fair point. Trust no one."

[greatmasterairplane]

"Exactly!" Shang Qinghua points at her unsteadily. "I like you. When I'm less drunk, we should get drunk together."

[sorrowandsorrow]

Aww. Janet can't help a slightly condescending little smile, although she actually has enjoyed this conversation. "You're on, Airplane."